My Marks for the Piece of Writing

WALT: use a rubric to mark a piece of writing
SC:I will use the rubric to mark and then write Why I gave it that mark.
I will add the total of points together and give it a level.


 In our  Tautoro School  we have so many new students who have enrolled  in our school. Because of the new enrollments every time we have a  powhiri or assembly we  always get squashed, and we feel really uncomfortable. So the facility that is needed in Tautoro School  is  a new  hall.
Why do we need a hall?

First a  hall is needed by Tautoro School because when we have new students enrolling in our school, every new child needs  a powhiri.  There are more students enrolling  into our school every week and we are  feeling really squashed in our small library.  If we had a hall our manuhiri would  feel more comfortable and they would  be able to shake everybody's hands without pushing past students and then they would feel very welcomed, comfortable and feel more relaxed.

Secondly: if we had a community hall we would also be able to play sports inside.   If it was raining or if it became too hot.  Then we wouldn't be missing out on our fitness and fitness  makes you feel good and it exercises your brain. And this would help students to concentrate more in class.

Another reason why we need a hall is so that we could get a kitchen built in the hall then we would be able to have technology at our school instead of travelling to town to use another school's kitchen.  We would be able to  learn how to cook and bake and then we would be able to help our whanau cook and bake at home.


Last of all we need  a hall because our community would be able to use the hall in the weekend which will bring  all our local communities together for meetings or  gala days.

In conclusion, I strongly believe we need a community hall at our school because our  Tautoro school community  is growing every week with new students enrolling into our school. It is important  that we have a new hall so that we won't be squashed and then we would feel comfortable and  then  we would listen better because we would all feel relaxed. If we don't have a hall we will always feel squashed and we will not have enough room in our teeny library for new students.


Score     Reasons why you have given this mark

Ideas
5: Because they have lots of ideas that connect to the topic and each idea is supported by
Extra information.

Structure Language
5:  Because their writing is structured appropriately and is well developed.

Organisation
5: Because their ideas are organised into basic paragraphs.

Vocabulary
4: Because they used a range of words and phrases to add detail and give specific information.

Sentence Structure
5: Because they can write a variety of sentences that are grammatically correct.

Punctuation
4: Because they  always use full stops and capital letters correctly.

Spelling
5: Because they can spell the majority of Essential List words correctly .

Total
33    4P